He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
