apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
