I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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