Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
