Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
