I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm too high and old for this...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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