Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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