Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
