So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
