I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
