i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
