I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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