She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Houston, we have a blender
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
