Already got asked if we're dating
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
