I have demons in me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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