What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
