So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
