I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
