my room smells like sperm. sweet.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
