And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
