What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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