Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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