Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize