he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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