before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
