your parents love me but you hate me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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