Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
