I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
