you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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