it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
