At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
