best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
