i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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