If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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