i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
