1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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