even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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