i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize