Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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