I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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