i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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