i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
