There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize