Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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