The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
