You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
