i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
