i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
