I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
