He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
