Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Pooping to opera.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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