She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
