I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
