apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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