Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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