i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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