I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
