in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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