guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
