"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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