I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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