i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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