he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Everything about him screamed your future.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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