is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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