I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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