How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
