So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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