You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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