I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
