Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
