idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
