I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
