so that wasnt chicken after all
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just tell him i said nine months
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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