I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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