last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
