I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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