Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
