My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
