Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
