I accidentally had phone sex last night
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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