hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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