my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize